March makes me think of the upcoming Seattle Mariner’s season, the impending spring-time weather and, of course, St. Patrick’s Day. There’s nothing like a full 24 hours of celebratory drinking and the shameless belief in undeniable good luck.
But when it comes to dating, luck rarely (if ever) has anything to do with it. Yet, when a couple gets together, becomes engaged or says their vows in front of their friends and family, we’re quick to tell them that they’re lucky. “You two are so lucky you found one another.” “To the lucky, happy couple!” We all like to think that someone else is holding our dating cards and we’re just along for the ride. While it’s scary to think we don’t have any control, it’s also somewhat comforting to know that, hey, we don’t have to try that hard because someone else is pulling the strings.
But that’s just not true. In fact, the only luck anyone has when it comes to dating, is the luck they make themselves. We are in control of our futures, our potential relationships and our possible destinies. We’re the ones who can put ourselves in situations that provide us with the best chance of finding someone truly special.
So with that in mind, I’d like to spend some time this March not thinking about the luck of the Irish, but thinking about the dating luck we can all make ourselves. Here are just a few ways you can give yourself the best chance to find your forever someone.
Keep A Positive Mindset
Easier said than done, I know, but the foundation of successful dating is a positive mindset. Not every date is going to be wonderful. Not every person you meet is going to knock your figurative socks off. The key is to continue to be optimistic. If you let the bad dates ruin the potential good dates, I can guarantee you that you’ll never have a good date again.
Don’t Stop Dating
You know what they say; you can’t score if you’re not in the game. Sure, you can “take a break” from dating and sometimes (I would argue) that’s necessary, but at the end of the day, if you don’t get in the game you’re never going to be successful. The more you put yourself out there, the better your chances are.
Be Open Minded
We all have a list of “deal breakers” and perfect qualities that help us to pick out people we believe ourselves to be compatible with. But if we stick to those qualities religiously, we could end up losing an opportunity to meet someone who is actually wonderful. So if you have a “deal breaker” list that has more than five things on it, you should probably reevaluate. You’re never going to give yourself the best chance of finding someone special if you don’t give people the opportunity to get to know you (and you, them).
You can’t expect anyone to love you if you don’t first love yourself. While the future relationship you have with a romantic partner will be very important, the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. Be kind to yourself; take yourself for dinner every once in a while; celebrate your strengths and work on your weaknesses so you can be the best possible you, for you.
Just Be Yourself
Your luck increases when you’re authentic, genuine and real. The more you pretend to be someone else (whether it’s a heightened version of yourself or someone you think your date will like) the greater the chance is that your date or potential relationship will flounder. The truth is, you’re fantastic just the way you are, and you deserve to find someone who will love you for you, not you for the person you pretend to be.
It’s important that you set some personal boundaries as you begin dating. Whether it’s managing your time so that you’re not investing too much too fast or deciding when you will feel comfortable being intimate with someone; you should always feel empowered to make sure that you’re comfortable during the dating process.
You’re not going to find true love in an hour and a half, like most romantic comedies would like you to believe. It takes time. I mean, there are billions upon billions of people on the planet, finding the one is going to be labor intensive. So while I know it’s hard to manage expectations and not rush through the dating process, be patient. Giving yourself time to simply enjoy the moments you will share on the dates you’ll go on will only add to your experiences.
That’s the whole point, right? To have fun? If you’re not enjoying yourself, then you’re doing something wrong. And if you’re not enjoying yourself, I can guarantee you that your date isn’t enjoying themselves either. And most importantly, if you’re not enjoying yourself, you’re not putting your best foot forward and giving yourself the best opportunity to meet someone extraordinary. Don’t over think it. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Just have fun!
Wishing on falling stars, cheering over pints of green beer and hoping the luck of the Irish will help your dating life out, is for the birds. We all make our own luck, and I know that you can make yours!
Until the next time I kiss and tell,
The Seattle Dating Diva